ONLY $100

My daughter and I drove back down from a Lady Griz Basketball game this evening in almost-but-not-yet freezing rain. Her girls were quiet in the back seat, tired from big city delights, including the shopping mall. We'd gone in early, expecting to meet a special friend for lunch, but she didn't show up. It was quite a disappointment.

Annie had been a devoted mama substitute for my daughter when I was midwifing. I could drop Autumn off (age 9-11) any hour of the night or day, and she'd be well cared for, loved, played with and happy to see me whenever I returned. We were both counting on seeing her smiling eyes, sharing the girls, whom Annie hadn't met, and catching up after many years. Autumn had called her and made the date. They both admitted they'd probably start crying. Her sister had warned me in October that Annie wasn't reliable anymore, not to get my hopes up; but hope we did.

In the chilly winter ride down the valley we talked about her, our prayers for her. She had never recovered from the loss of her husband to suicide. She had some other life now, laced with alcohol and prescription drugs, and apparently it didn't mix with old friends from before he checked out. Our smiling faces could only ignite the memories of the good times before his death.

Good times they were. I midwifed for Annie's two boys' births, and her sister's two children as well. Both women were strong and clear and loving. We had deep friendships after that, and Annie felt caring for Autumn was a way to pay me for my services.

Tonight, as we pulled into Hamilton, each street lamp's brilliance reflected from the asphalt, I commented how adapted I am to driving 25 mph in Hamilton. I shared getting a speeding ticket early one Sunday morning, years ago, leaving a birth with an ecstatic heart, and speeding through the north end, clocked at 80 mph by the officer! "I got $100 for the birth, and paid $80 out for the ticket!"

"Did you really get only $100 for births, Mom?"

"Yup, and maybe a cord of wood, or some home-canned goods."

Those were wonderful times, surely ending up in another book one day. I mused,"There were a lot of angels with me back then."

She went on to say that the new wave is to have a baby at home without any professional assistance. I laughed, hoping this wasn't really true. "I bet 65 per cent head to the hospital when the going gets rough!" But in my heart I know mothers and babies don't make it sometimes and the tragedy that rolls out from a homebirth death can't be quantified. It's a lifelong wound to the living.

I thought about the two little girls in the back seats, wondered if they will birth, how will it go? Will they play basketball in college? They watched some awesome women on that court this afternoon if they need more models. And I thought about Annie, another awesome women with a broken heart, and her sister who pours out deep deep love wherever she goes. And my daughter, fierce mother. And myself, with a brain full of stories, memories, a few tears, and gratitude for my strong sisters through the years.